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I am depressed – And that’s OKAY

I am depressed – And that’s OKAY.

It seems like such a counterintuitive statement. An oxymoron of sorts. Depression affects a lot of folks in life and in varying degrees of severity. But one thing makes depression the same for all. The need to feel accepted and that they are heard.

Sometimes however that need gets too loud and overbearing… towards others.

You see, I have recently been put on medication to help me cope. People often see people who are depressed as ones who feel life is tough and exceedingly unfair. What exactly feels so unfair to people who are depressed? Well that’s a misconception really. It’s not that I actually feel like life is unfair. It just feels overly complicated and overwhelming. I know that it’s life. But what I don’t know is why it should be so tough? Others make it look easy.

Either way, neither here nor there. I am depressed – and that’s OKAY.

Depression makes me do all sorts of things that I most likely shouldn’t. It can make me appear hot headed when all I want is for someone to hear me out. You could say I’m looking for validation, which I guess, is true for everyone in life. But when you’re depressed one seems to want it almost desperately.

But you know what? I’m depressed and it’s OKAY.

Why do I keep saying that? Well because it’s true. There is such a stigma that if you are depressed that you are sub human or somehow inferior or that your emotions don’t matter. No, don’t get defensive. It’s true, the stigma exists… In each and everyone of us who are depressed. This is how we feel on a daily basis.

I guess personally I know that I am being silly. I know I am being self defeating and beating myself up for no reason, yet, I can not help it. As stupid as that sounds, I really can’t.

Yet, I am depressed – And that’s OKAY.

Alright I still haven’t stated why it’s OKAY. Well, because it is OKAY.

Because it will be OKAY.

Because I am seeking help.

Because no matter how lonely I feel I have loved ones who care, even if my mind tells me otherwise.

Because no matter how angry someone makes me when they don’t validate my opinion, I know, deep down, that they just have their own opinion and it’s normal for them to have it. I am not the begin all and end all of opinions.

Because no matter how much sadness I feel in my heart, my spirit is not yet broken.

Because it’s not silly to admit that I am depressed.

I guess I needed to write this for myself. Not for anyone else. I needed to put down somewhere that even though I am depressed, it’s okay.

Life is hard. Life is tough. It is for everyone. I need to realise that I am not alone in that. No, I will not live a life where I constantly tell myself there are others worse off than myself. Yes there are people who suffer much worse (And are more than likely still happier than myself), but you know what. My life, my worries, my fears, hopes and dreams matter. To me. To my family. To my loved ones.

I am not alone. There are many people out there who are depressed. You know what. You are depressed and it’s OKAY.

Why? Because it will not last forever. It can’t last forever. Things will get better. Just remember that. Just remember that your life, hopes and dreams, fears and disappointment have meaning. It has meaning to you and THAT, that right there makes you alive. Why?

You are still human inside. Because you can still feel.

Psalm 138:3
“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.”

Published inAll Posts
  • VampyreSquirrel

    Yeah, you’re depressed and that’s okay, and that sounds weird to people, and yes I’m depressed too and that’s also okay, I will be okay.

    I try not to take my feelings out on people, but there are so many, so if I did/do, at any stage, I’m truly sorry. Please understand that it happens.

    • Well summed up 🙂

      • VampyreSquirrel

        Meh… been through it way too many times myself to not understand what people are going through on some or other level.

  • Captain JJ off track

    “doesn’t last forever” is the thing I need to take from this

    • VampyreSquirrel

      It really doesn’t. You might get depressed again in future, but it still doesn’t last forever.

      Even if you are a sufferer of “Major Depression”… AKA Clinical Depression.

      • Yeah, clinical depression is super scary. But, It’s OKAY

        • Captain JJ off track

          One thing I’ve realised the past year that makes depression different from just general sadness is that you can’t exactly say “this” is what makes me feel this way.
          It blends into a state of being and starts to consume parts of you. So much so that you become someone else at times. Not a person, just this single emotion.

          • Know the feeling all too well. I find it helps to talk to someone and just kinda unpack everything at that stage so that you get to the core issue.

            I often become someone else due to the issues. Thankfully I have my wife who reminds me of who I actually am. I’m usually quite defensive at those moments but it does sink in and I do kind of then pull myself back towards my normal behaviour.

            The biggest struggle for me however has always been the issue of lumping it all together. I do it so often and I then feel like the world is against me. It’s something I still work on day to day and hopefully will master eventually

    • Because it’s impossible for sadness of any form to last forever. Hang in there 🙂

  • Dutch Matrix

    “Because no matter how lonely I feel I have loved ones who care, even if my mind tells me otherwise.”

    I have a battle with my mind once, twice a month. My doctor believes I suffer from epilepsy, and together with a neurologist, we are in the process of determining if it is or not. But right now, as I type this, my brain is doing its utmost best to convince me the fear I feel because of my attacks, it is better to kill myself than to deal with it.

    How big is that fear?

    Let me put it to you like this:

    I cannot play a stupid game like The Sims. Because of no reason I can fathom. Because I fear the outcome of something. Because I cannot focus on my fear. Doom would be out of the question, and has been for the last month or two.

    I cannot watch a simple action movie. I have given up horror flicks. Horror games.

    And I loved me some good ole scares.

    That fear is causing me to freak out when I see the dog, staring at me through the window.

    It’s hectic.

    All this fear is telling me to do the ultimate. Off myself in the way my brother did 22 years ago.

    It’s silly. During the four weeks that I do not have the attacks, I am fine. Happy. Jolly even.

    But that same mind that tells me all is fine, is hell bent on destroying me.

    All I am trying to say is, I know that feeling when your mind is plotting against you.

    I am lucky. I have lots to live for: I recently got married to an amazing woman. I have a decent job. Good friends.

    So we deal…

    • Depression is scary. But it’s OKAY. As long as you still feel it means you still have something inside of you and that you are still human.

      Hang in there bud. Here’s hoping and praying they find out the root of it all and get you on the right track.

      You are seeking help. It’s OKAY 🙂

    • Admiral Chief Maximum Effort

      You ever need to talk dude, let me know. Even if it is just ramblings, I’ll listen 🙂

      • Dutch Matrix

        Thanks man. Some days are just worse than others. The real hilarity in this is next week Tuesday we are going to try and recreate these attacks with the help of a neurologist.
        So at least I have a bit more than a week of peace and puppies to look forward to before it starts again…

  • VampyreSquirrel

    Many of us depression sufferers are… lucky for lack of a better word, as we suffer from depression or clinical depression, and not manic depression, which has been classified as Bipolar Disorder.

    And here is where I write something I’ve needed to get off my chest for a while Stop reading if you don’t want to know or don’t give a flying f***.

    I have very real fear that I will go from what I am now, almost constantly, a clinical depressive, to a manic.

    The meds are cool and all, but they don’t force me to sleep, which is something I sorely miss… simple sleep.

    I don’t think it’s totally unknown, but I’m going through a divorce at the moment, which will be finalized in the next few weeks (hopefully), along with that I’m unhappy at my job (that’s known, and many of you relate)… that with stress (back spasms are back YAY) and so many other factors in my life… it’s hectic to say the least. But yeah, I’m ok… surprisingly.

    Being depressed at this level for this long isn’t good (for anyone), and I need a release/escape, which is normally writing short stories, but I have writers block in that regard.
    So, then there’s reading, and I’m out of books to read (and can’t find something else to read), but that might be fixed this weekend.
    So, games… I can’t seem to get into any of the 100+ games in my Steam Library.
    So, drawing… I hate drawing on paper, so I draw on my PC, and my drawing pad broke… so I have to use my phone, and it’s just not the same.
    So… I force myself to play games, that I’m actually not into or concentrating on, just so I can talk to people (you freaks) and use that as an escape.
    An escape is important to me, and most of them are, to put it lightly, fucked

    I’m supposed to be streaming, recording and writing a book… and I just can’t… you can’t stream games if you can’t play games.

    This year has been absolutely shit for me, not at the levels of some of you, but shit compared to MY previous 11 or so years.

    Sorry for hijacking your comments section Llew, but hey, I needed to.

    I know this is on the internet for all to see, but I’m fine with that… I actually need people to know how I feel… and I’m getting tired of putting the happy face on. One can only be strong without support for so long.

    And this is where I just stop writing. I’m ok, I promise, and I’ll see you all online in the morning…

    • No apologies here. This is a spot to write down your feelings. I am glad you got that off your chest man. It’s a cliche to say, but we are all there for you. Hang in there. It doesn’t last forever. Promise.

    • Admiral Chief Maximum Effort

      I’ll always be there at your side Tenno, or in any other game you need me, or even IRL

      😀

      • VampyreSquirrel

        Thanks dude

        • We should all get together some time for a drink!

          • VampyreSquirrel

            Agreed. I’m even willing to drive to PTA… I’ll just be sure to wear something fire proof.

          • Hey, we’re not THAT bad

          • VampyreSquirrel

            XD

            Well, when we make a plan, we can meet up on the Centurion side of the world to save me a little traveling.

          • schaweet

  • Admiral Chief Maximum Effort

    As is customary, I usually put tl;dr up when you rant.

    This, does not deserve that. Nice write up dude!

  • Admiral Chief Maximum Effort

    My life is good at the moment, but I went through some dark times in my life . I’m glad I stuck around.

    I guess what I’m trying to say, hang in there, it will get better!